Through a Glass Darkly
by alyssa321
Summary: Hermione suffers more from Dolohov's curse in the D.O.M. than anyone ever realized. What will happen to her now? Non-HBP compliant, and will eventually be Hermione/Severus.
1. Chapter 1

**Through a Glass Darkly **

By : alyssa321

NON HPB-COMPLIANT

Points that must be made: Witches and Wizards in this story have generally longer lives than muggles (therefore, the "age difference" between Hermione and Severus is less pronounced), non-HPB compliant, deviates from mid-way through OTP. This is not meant to be canon. I am creating things here. If there is a point of information, etc. that is wrong with the story line, feel free to let me know through a PM or review. I'd love to hear from you. [I'm also going to jump around from tense to tense - this is a stream of consciousness/narrative story, not just a narrative]. After posting a few chapters, I will update around once a week. However, life as a college student is unpredictable. I'll try and warn you all if I won't be able to post for a while.

Chapter 1: Of Cursed Beginnings

All I could feel was pain. As much as I'd tried to dodge, Dolohov's curse hit me. His cutting curse has sliced me open across my chest. It hurts so badly. I can feel blood gushing from the wound, soaking my now ruined shirt. I can't see Harry! I don't know what's happening. All I can here is curses colliding with bodies, both Death Eaters and my friends. The Order members arrived. I can hear Harry screaming. I've managed to back myself against a wall. I can feel it cold and rough against my back, my shirt having started to fall from my shoulder, I can feel the scratch of the stone against my bare skin. What's more bleeding to what I already am plainly experiencing? How much blood can possibly be in my body? There is a puddle beginning to surround me in my spot against the wall. Is that Dumbledore? I had thought that he was in hiding. I should be in hiding with the scar that I'm going to have from this slash on my chest...

I felt groggy. Had I been unconscious? My chest hurts so badly; it's more achy than sharp. I feel like it's been a few days, not a few minutes. I'm dry. I'm not crusty or covered in congealed blood either...Where am I? Did the Order find me by the wall? Did someone take me? I try to lift myself from the bed I seem to be laying in. If I could just sit up, I'd be so much more comfortable. I don't want to open my eyes. If I open them, I know that I'll find that I've been hallucinating or dreaming in my blood-loss unconscious state. I'll find myself alone, backed up against a wall, bleeding and trapped in the Department of Mysteries. Mysteries? I think what that department is is no mystery at all. I feel hazy, half-awake.

"Miss Granger? Miss Granger? Are you awake?" Is that Madame Pomfrey? Of course not, I'm not at Hogwarts, I'm stuck in the Department of Mysteries, surrounded by friends who are risking their lives while I just lay here.

"Miss Granger, I'm sure you are awake. Please acknowledge me. If you can sit up, you can swallow your potions instead of my injecting them!" Injections? I've always hated needles. This gets more nightmarish by the minute. However, uncovering my secret fear of needles does not seem like it would be high on the Death Eater priority list. They can't have gleaned it from my mind...I've been practicing Occlumency ever since I found out Harry was going to learn. I figured that if I could learn it, then I could tutor him, spare him some aggravation from...Professor Snape. Maybe I really am in Hogwarts, in the Hospital Wing with Madame Pomfrey. I slowly open my eyes, my eyelids tired from being snapped closed for so long. How long has it been? Oh no, the light is far to bright, it must have been a while. I can hardly see. I jump, trying to sit up. I falter, the pain in my chest has returned, having been momentarily blocked out by my internal ramblings.

"Ah, Miss Granger, it's good to see your eyes open. Relax, your eyes will adjust to the light soon enough. Here, I'll help you sit up." I scowl as Madame Pomfrey props up pillows behind me, working to help me sit up on my own. I'd much rather be back asleep, relishing my own personal darkness where my chest doesn't hurt this way and where my eyes don't burn.

"Alright Miss Granger. Here are Pain-Relief, Blood-Replenishing, and Pepper-Up potions. Later, when you're ready to go back to sleep, I can provide you with Dreamless Sleep. Now, we did our best with your wound, but we couldn't ascertain what the curse that hit you was. Therefore I couldn't heal it properly. You have a scar across your chest. You will most likely be able to cover this with glamour charms. Do you have any questions for me, dear?" Questions, questions? Really? How are Harry and Ron? Where are they? Are they hurt?

"Your friends are fine." She must have seen the distress on my face. "Ron is recovering nicely from his burns, and Harry...will be alright with time." What does she mean alright with time? What happened to Harry? Ron was injured just jumping the gun, as bloody usual, but what happened to Harry? "Oh no, I thought you'd seen. When the Order came to help you, Sirius would not be left behind. He had to help his godson, and he wouldn't be deterred." She scoffed. "In the Death Chamber, Sirius dueled with Bellatrix Lestrange. She hit him with a curse, and he fell through the Veil." Sirius was dead? Harry must be absolutely devastated. He's probably nearly insane with grief right now. If only I could move and go to him.

"So, Miss Granger, how is your pain? Can you rate it for me on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being barely there and 10 being unbearable?"

I open my mouth to answer her. Nothing will come out.

Alright everyone! First chapter! This may have seemed somewhat short, but this was a very logical place to end this chapter.

Get excited for Chapter 2 and feel free to review!


	2. Chapter 2

Get ready, because here's chapter two! Thank you so much to all of you who have read, followed, favorite-ed, and reviewed! It means absolutely so much to me. I'm sorry this took so long to get out, but finals snuck up on me a lot quicker than I thought they would – on the plus side, I have all of winter break to get ahead on this fic! Get ready!

Sadly enough, I don't own Harry Potter.

Last Chapter:

_"Your friends are fine." She must have seen the distress on my face. "Ron is recovering nicely from his burns, and Harry...will be alright with time." What does she mean alright with time? What happened to Harry? Ron was injured just jumping the gun, as bloody usual, but what happened to Harry? "Oh no, I thought you'd seen. When the Order came to help you, Sirius would not be left behind. He had to help his godson, and he wouldn't be deterred." She scoffed. "In the Death Chamber, Sirius dueled with Bellatrix Lestrange. She hit him with a curse, and he fell through the Veil." Sirius was dead? Harry must be absolutely devastated. He's probably nearly insane with grief right now. If only I could move and go to him._

_"So, Miss Granger how is your pain? Can you rate it for me on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being barely there and 10 being unbearable?"_

_I open my mouth to answer her. Nothing will come out._

Chapter 2: What Am I Supposed to Do Now?

Madame Pomfrey has sent me home, back to my parents' house. I was unable to rate my pain for them; I wasn't able to talk at all. I had gone into the washroom, the one with Moaning Myrtle (for privacy), forgetting momentarily that the students had already left for the summer, and I could likely have privacy in whatever washroom I chose. Harry and Ron had already left on the Hogwarts Express, and I have no idea whether they know where I am or have come to visit me. Clearly, I am unable to ask.

In the washroom, I found that I was able to speak when I was alone. I've been practicing whenever given a moment of solitude – I don't want my parents to know what happened. But maybe they already do, or have been warned of my condition, once again, I've been unable to ask. I'm hoping that with enough practice, I will be able to force my vocal chords to cooperate.

"Are you ready Miss Granger?" Professor McGonagall inquired – she was referring to side-along apparition. Since the train is long gone, to wherever they store it when it isn't needed (that wasn't mentioned in _Hogwarts, a History_). They, tenured Hogwarts faculty, decided that the best way to return me to my parents for the summer would be to simply apparate me to their doorstep while under the Disillusionment charm. I don't think the noise, similar to that of a car backfiring, has occurred to them. Or maybe it has, and they've figured out a way around this obstacle – I have no way of asking. I'll have to owl order from Flourish and Blotts this summer to do some further reading on the ins and outs of apparition and cloaking charms. I'd taken to long to acknowledge my favored professor, so I nodded.

She grasped my arm, a little too tightly for my own personal comfort. I felt the unfamiliar sensation of being pulled through a space far to tight for my battered body. Before I knew it, we were on my parent's stoop. Professor McGonagall knocked, and apparated away as soon as the doorknob turned. What? What's going on that she can't even wait for me to get inside? Neither her nor any of the other professors present had seemed particularly perturbed.

"Honey! You're finally home!" My mum seemed far more excited to see me than usual. But she didn't immediately ask how I was. Maybe she hasn't heard…that would certainly be a blessing. I walked in the door, smiling at her, and hoping that my attempt at a smile didn't look too much like a grimace. I looked behind her, and saw a pile of…luggage?

"Didn't you get our owl? I know that you were spending the last week with the Weasleys and Harry, but darling, you must read your mail." My dad is always harping at me to keep on top of such things. So, they told my parents that I was with Ron and Harry. Interesting. I wish they'd told me this so that I could come up with some stories as to what we did.

"Where are you two going?" I flinched. My voice sounded far too raspy.

"We're taking a second honeymoon! It's our twentieth anniversary! I know that it's your holiday, but this is the only time that we could get enough time off. We'll be gone for the rest of the month honey. We'll be back to take you to Kings Cross. We thought you'd be back earlier today, so that we could visit with you before we left!" Well, at least she didn't notice how off my voice sounded.

"Alright, well, where are you two lovebirds going?" I'm hoping that my joking will throw them off of how hurt I am – not that they're seeming to notice.

"We're going to Majorca!" My parents look so excited. I can't possibly deny them this, after everything they've put up with from me.

"You two are going to have so much fun! I'm so glad you're doing this for yourselves; you've definitely earned a break. I love you!" I hope that I sound enthusiastic enough for them. Judging by my mum's smile I have.

"Well, we must be off, or we're going to miss our flight. The taxi is here. We love you darling, have a good holiday. Stay safe, call us if you need anything, all of the numbers are on the table in the kitchen!"

And just like that, I was alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Through A Glass Darkly

alyssa321

Chapter 3:

I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER.

Thank you all so much for the reviews, follows, and favorites. As a beginning writer, this has truly meant so much to me. 3 I'm sorry for the long wait. I had some bat crazy things happen in the last few months, and haven't been able to do much of anything, let alone write. I hope to publish at least two chapters this weekend though, and get into a regular posting schedule, which I'll keep ya'll updated on.

Not Canon. I know. If I've changed something, I most likely have a reason.

"_You two are going to have so much fun! I'm so glad you're doing this for yourselves; you've definitely earned a break. I love you!" I hope that I sound enthusiastic enough for them. Judging by my mum's smile I have. _

"_Well, we must be off, or we're going to miss our flight. The taxi is here. We love you darling, have a good holiday. Stay safe, call us if you need anything, all of the numbers are on the table in the kitchen!" _

_And just like that, I was alone. _

I went further into the house. It looked just as I remembered it, not that I'd really expected much else. It was the home of an upper-middle class couple that has a daughter who doesn't live at home. Everything was clean and in its place, as it would seem in the home of two dentists.

I went upstairs. Upstairs, second door on the right, which was where I'd slept until that day when I went to Hogwarts. I slowly opened the door and went inside. A bedroom for a child is supposed to be a reflection of oneself, and I have changed so much. Of course, my room hasn't changed at all since I left last summer. It was crazy to expect it to have changed at all. My parents have never messed with my things while I was away. What's that on the other side of my bed? How did my trunk get here? I didn't ever pack my things, and I don't want anyone to have gone through my things. Clearly, I'm too late to stop them. Professor McGonagall must have dropped it by, not that I have an opportunity to ask my parents where it came from.

I'm very tired all of the sudden. I'm going to take a shower – I haven't showered since the…event, just _Scourgify _and general cleansing spells in the Hospital Wing from Madame Pomfrey. It isn't that they don't work; I just prefer the truly clean feeling of having just got out of the shower. The bathroom is right next door to my room.

I wander out into the hallway, and it hits me how empty my house seems when my parents aren't here. Professor McGonagall didn't bring back Crookshanks. I wonder where he got off to. He always did like the castle better than my house. I continue on into the bathroom. I can't bring myself to look in the mirror. HIS curse left a scar, that I can plainly see through the top of my shirt, it creeps its way up onto and around the base of my throat, and I don't need to take my shirt off to know that it extends down my chest, across my stomach and onto my back. From its presence on my throat, I can see why my professors believed that my speaking was truly impaired, and not just in the presence of others. I tell myself that I can't sit around moping about this, and I get in the shower. The water is far to hot, even if this is the setting that I normally put it on when I shower in muggle showers. I have to turn it down to barely lukewarm if not cold. I can't stay in the shower for very long, and am soon shivering. I get out and hurry, crawling into my bed shortly after my shower.

It's definitely time to sleep.

I nod off, my wand tightly gripped in my right-hand, temporarily forgetting the ban on underage magic.

A/N: More to come, later today! Get excited, and I can always use some encouragement (reviews, ahem – Uh Oh, was that to Umbridge like of a throat-clearing?)


	4. Chapter 4

_Through a Glass Darkly_

alyssa321

Chapter 4

_It's definitely time to sleep._

_I nod off, my wand tightly gripped in my right-hand, temporarily forgetting the ban on underage magic. _

I woke up, feeling like I had slept for days. I hadn't been able to sleep very well, because Madame Pomfrey was waking me up to take various medicinal potions, and professors kept wanting to talk to me. I can hardly bring myself to get out of bed. I roll over, stretching to reach into my trunk. I dig my way through it, looking for my book bag. In my third year, during all the business with the time turner, I had so many classes in a day. That many classes equal that many books. Especially for classes like arithmancy, which, similar to muggle math classes, requires bringing your book to every class meeting. So, to counter this, it was only natural that I research expansion spells, and triple the capacity of my book bag without altering the way it looks from the outside. I find it, and, after rummaging around for a few minutes (while at school, I usually just _accio_ whichever book I need) I pull out _Most Potente Potions. _I was able to convince the clerk at Flourish and Blotts to sell a copy to me last year in Diagon alley, which took a lot of flirting and even more maneuvering to get around the ever-intrusive Order members. No, I can't hate them, or their behavior anyway; I have to support them in their endeavor to protect Harry.

Harry! Oh, no, I haven't seen him OR Ron since the Department of Mysteries, let alone owled them. They must be so worried. Well, actually, they probably aren't…Harry is likely at the Dursley's, laying in his room, full of angst, waiting and focusing on nothing but the Order getting him out of there. Ron will be busy with chores and putting up with his brothers and mother, thinking only of his beloved Chudley Cannons. They probably haven't thought of me at all, or at best only a passing thought of why I haven't written yet. I always try to go on holiday with my parents; they probably think that's where I am.

There's nothing to do for it now, and I'm tired. Still. All I want to do is settle further back into my pillows and read _Most Potente Potions_ some more before I take a nap.


	5. Chapter 5

"Through a Glass Darkly"

_alyssa321_

A/N: This is not intended to be canon, however, I'd just like to point out that everything that happens in my story is happening for a reason – things have a purpose, even though sometimes it may take a while. I don't own Harry Potter, no matter how much I wish I did!

I wake up, once again, nearly consumed by my nightmares. I can still see Dolohov right behind my eyes, and I can still remember how much his cutting curse hurt. Curse scars don't fade: I'm going to be left with this awful reminder for the rest of my life. Thankfully, that may be a shorter time than I ever thought. Harry's fight against Voldemort – I'm going to keep helping him with it until I die doing it. I roll over in bed, pulling out _Most Potente Potions_ again. I don't have many pages left. It looks like I may finish it this morning.

I close the cover with an air of finality. I'd never read this book in its entirety. In fact, I'd semi-avoided it ever since the polyjuice-cat-hair-incident. On the bright side, I feel a sense of accomplishment, which I haven't felt since I lured Umbridge into the forest. On the negative, however, this is the last book in my house that I haven't read and nearly memorized. At school, I have the endlessly wonderful library that has all the books I could ever want to read. Normally, I read non-magical texts in order to not fall grievously behind my old peers. Even though I have been so injured and shunned (not necessarily shunned, but I got taken home rather quickly and have yet to receive a letter) by the wizarding world as of recent, I find myself craving magical knowledge – I want to fill my head with spells and enchantments. Beautiful things that I'd never imagined being capable of, things that my old bullies will never be able to accomplish.

Normally, during the summer, my parents never took me to Diagon Alley, except for at the tail end of August to purchase my school supplies for the next year. It pleased them, my willingness to read muggle books over the summer, like I used to before Hogwarts. But they left me here. Alone. They never made it a rule, per say, that I couldn't go to Diagon Alley in the summer, I'd just never really gone anywhere without them. Mr. Weasley had gotten my fireplace hooked up to the Floo, there's really no reason for me not to go.

As soon as I consider using the Floo, my stomach begins to roll. I can barely keep myself from vomiting all over my bed. Clearly, that mode of transportation is out. I could take muggle transportation. I'm really not so far from the London area that secretly contains the wizarding hub. But when I go there, I don't want people tor recognize me. Surely if a professor saw me, or maybe Mr. or Mrs. Weasley, I'd quickly be sent back home. "It's too dangerous!" They'd say, "Go back home, don't go out alone!" They would never say that I would be specifically targeted because I'm a muggleborn. Their proper anti-pureblood supremacist attitudes would never allow them to. I'm not normally one for breaking rules, at least not carefully shrouded by Harry's invisibility cloak. However, if I don't get caught…

If I straighten my hair and put on some make up, I don't think they will recognize me. I have a muggle hair straightener, but I can't use it at Hogwarts because of the magic-technology disconnect, and neither the Burrow nor Grimmauld place have electricity, so no one who matters has ever seen my hair straightened. Perhaps I could get a book on cosmetic charms or potions. The change might be shocking enough that Ronald may even notice that I'm a bloody girl – and that would take some serious change!

I go through what is normally a daily process in the summers. In the bathroom, however, I carefully avoid looking in the mirror until I've put on my shirt and the more sever parts of the scar are covered. I put make-up on the portions of the scar showing on my neck and chest. It ends up only being a thin white line. Muggle make up seems clearly superior to the magical alternatives. I've never liked turtlenecks, and it's the summer. It's a welcome relief that I'll be able to get away with the V-necked t-shirt. Besides, this will only help my disguise – they'll be expecting me to have a highly visible, gnarled, obvious curse scar, or a conspicuous covering for the heat of summer.

I finish the process. I really look a lot nicer. Even though my hair has become less frizzy and triangular and more manageable over the years, I still like it straight so I can play with it and run my fingers through it. It also helps my face to look less babyish. I slip on my shoes. I know that my parents keep some muggle money and a bus schedule in a drawer in an entry table. I should be able to get within a block of the Leaky Cauldron via the bus.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Through a Glass Darkly_

alyssa321

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!

Muggle transport was, as per usual, rather bland and predictable. Non-magical buses are visible to other drivers and pedestrians, and therefore do not have to swerve, shrink, or skid to a very sudden stop to avoid causing an accident. However, I did find that being in such close proximity to others now makes me faintly uncomfortable. I don't know how I'm going to manage the Great Hall for meals if this feeling doesn't go away. Well, it won't really matter if my appetite doesn't come back by then. It has been a week since I arrived home and I've only been able to stomach some toast and water.

The bus dropped me at a stop around three blocks away from the Leaky Cauldron. It takes me only a few minutes to walk the short distance. There isn't much to pass along the way. The muggle world grows more and more disinteresting by the year. I'm uncertain as to why. I have a rather strong feeling, however, that this is due to the incredible wonderment and inspiration brought on by living nearly full-time in the wizarding world. I'd lived as a muggle my whole life, in the years before Hogwarts, and now the summer and winter holiday breaks. It's become so…mundane to me now. The things I've seen all my life can't seem to hold a candle to the wizarding world.

I enter the Leaky Cauldron. It's just as dark and loud, with its rambunctious patrons in every nook and cranny. It'll be a good day for business in the pub. I feel like I'm suffocating in this sea of people. I push through, desperately trying to make my way into the back alley so that I can enter Diagon Alley. I finally make it, after much physical contact that I could have very well done without. I pull my wand from my bag, and tap the appropriate bricks; my face going slack as I watch the doorway form, always with such incredulity. This gets me every time.

Luckily for me, Diagon Alley is dead compared to the Leaky Cauldron. Hopefully, I won't be harassed by shopkeepers desperately trying to make a sale on the slow day. I walk down the Alley to the magnificent monolith that is Gringotts, relaxing quickly after the ordeal that was the Leaky Cauldron. Entering the bank, I see Bill Weasley. Bloody hell, I'd forgotten that he worked here. I let my straightened hair fall across my face, and walk up to the key-taking goblin as quickly and as normally as possible.

"Key, please." I pull the key off of my neck, where I'd hung it from a long chain in order to never lose it. The goblin takes the key and efficiently summons another goblin to take me to my vault. As soon as the cart begins to move, I'm incredibly glad that I haven't been eating. This exercise is notoriously nauseating, and it plainly wouldn't do to vomit in a place as proper as a bank. For all of my birthdays, I'd received savings bonds from various distant relatives, and my parents had put a decent amount in a savings account for me each year. When my heritage was discovered, we'd transferred around two-thirds of it into Gringotts to pay for my Hogwarts tuition and to purchase whatever magical items I needed. The goblins had put up a bit of a fuss over converting the savings bonds, but they calmed down when a their non-magical banking liaison officer took over, who easily knew what to do with a savings bond. Now, my vault was rather well padded. Nothing like Harry's of course, but nowhere near as paltry as the Weasley's. I never did understand why Mrs. Weasley stayed at home, especially now, when all of her children are out of the house. I took out a leather bag that I keep in my purse specifically for wizarding money. The large coins don't fit in my muggle wallet. I put a decent quantity of coins in the bag. Surely, this will be enough to purchase some books and potions supplies.

Upon resurfacing and exiting the bank, I found the sunlight incredibly refreshing after the dark, drafty, mine-like tunnels underneath the bank. A few minutes later, my stomach finally settles, having recovered from the incredibly fast and jerky cart ride. I slowly amble my way over to Flourish and Blotts. This is truly the most wonderful bookstore, no muggle bookstore can even begin to compare. This shop is full of things that I've never seen before, never read about, never even heard about. It almost makes me dizzy. I enter the shop and feel like I'm coming home.

I walk to room, skimming my fingers over hundreds of titles. I don't know where the object of my search is – Occlumency books – but I know I'll find them soon, and probably pick up a few titles along the way, so I pick up a basket from the stack at the end of the shelf. A book soon catches my eye. _Muggle Electricity and Magical Wards: Using the "Appliance" in the Wizarding Household_. This is exactly what I need! It's probably primarily focused on appliances like dishwashers and washing machines, but I'm sure with some tweaking I could easily apply it to my hair straightener. I do like my hair better straight, and would love to have it that way at Hogwarts. I reverently place the somewhat thin and light book into my basket. There are no related titles around it, so hopefully it's detailed enough for at least my current uses. I move on, continuing to scan the shelves for useful tomes.

I pick up a few more books for purchase: _Advanced Defense and Dueling Tactics _(useful if the DA will continue this year, and even more useful for generally kicking Death Eater arse), _Common Potions, Rarer Uses_ (Useful? Useful) and another book, simply entitled _Animagi_ (this is my dream transfiguration project – this could be useful for the war in so many ways as well, a good way to get around Voldemort and Death Eaters unknown if we're unregistered). I finally find the Occlumency section. It's very sparse, and stuck in a dusty back corner. None of the books look like they've been touched recently. I blow on a row of books, and there's a cloud of dust. Titles jump out at me: _The Mind Arts: a Manual, Dueling with the Mind_, and _Occlumency, a Deeper Understanding_. These three look promising, and I think they'll give me a good start in improving my fledgling, slow-growing Occlumency skills.

I paused, seeing one last book in this section that could change my life. _Occlumency and Improvement of Memory_. If my memory was better, I could spend slightly less time on my schoolwork and some more on absorbing as much information as possible to help Harry with this war. I make my way to the register, when I se a sign that exponentially elevates my already elated mood. "Part-Time Summer Help Wanted. Apply at Register." A job at Flourish and Blotts – the most perfect summer employment I could have ever imagined! I speed up, and reach the register. As I pay Mr. Flourish for my books, I inquire about the position.

"Excuse me, sir, I was hoping to apply for the part-time summer job."

"Really? Oh, excellent, I've had that sign up for two weeks and have yet to have anyone apply. You clearly love to read. What's your name?"

"Hermione Granger, sir." My bloody honest sensibilities kicked in. I probably would have been better off not telling him my real name – I don't think the magical community has the same type of auditing and background checking as the muggle one.

"Well, you certainly don't look like your picture that was in the _Prophet_ a while ago." I blush like a tomato. "You obviously appreciate books, and I'm willing to let you have a go at working here. I'll just need you to fill out a few papers, as well as discuss details about your hours and shift duties, and then you can start on Tuesday."

-More is on the way soon!


End file.
